The Great Alarm Clock Slaughter of 1979
by outwittingsquirrels
Summary: Written for the Gilmore Girls Challenge, Lily is tired and makes a little slip in front of her husband. JPLE


**Disclaimer**: if I owned Harry Potter, I'd be living somewhere warm - I live in Ireland…

I was floating, floating in a calm, peaceful, gloriously silent bliss. The duvet was my cloud. The mattress…something else - I was too tired for metaphors. Too beautifully tired. Too comfortably tired. Oh, so _comfortable._ But wait! Ooh…that position is even better. This sleeping position deserved to be canonised. It was perfection. I would never attain this kind of comfort ever again. This was the kind of comfort you could only dream of, only hope to attain once in a lifetime and only if you were very, _very _lucky. I was at one with the bed. If I was never again forced to move, I would be eternally happy just lying there. For ever and ever and ever and ever and-

ARGH!

WHAT WAS THAT?!

GET IT AWAY! IT'S EVIL! EVIL!

Arms flailing, legs kicking. Get that unholy sound away from my precious ears! A sound like that shouldn't exist! KILL!

__________

'James,' Lily said to her husband, in a perfectly sane, reasonable voice that evening.

'Yes Lily dear?'

'Ok, see_, _last night when I said to you: "Tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I get up at seven," what I actually meant was: "tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I have the option of getting up at seven, in case, when seven comes, I actually want to get up." Which, as it happens, I didn't. Therefore, you're currently responsible for The Great Alarm Clock Slaughter of 1979.'

'No survivors?' James asked in mock concern.

'The one shaped like a bunny escaped with a mild decapitation,' Lily answered matter-of-factly.

'Thank Merlin,' James said, sagging with feigned relief and holding a hand up to his chest. Lily continued to chop up the carrots.

'Honey, if you can't cut the onions up right, just wash the potatoes, alright?' she said exasperatedly over her shoulder. James frowned. '_Honestly_…'

'You alright Lily? You seem a little…off,' he said, slightly nervous about criticising his wife.

'Oh I'm fine dear…Martin Cooper is messing up my REM sleep,' she added, slicing one unfortunate carrot with particular malice.

'…how is Martin Cooper messing up your REM sleep?' James asked, confused and a little annoyed. _He_ should be the _only _one depriving his wife of sleep.

'Because he's always got some guy on pushing a book about how everything's all going to hell, or they're going to pass a law, how everyone with a nose ring is going to get shipped off to China. Suddenly you're depressed, thinking we're all going to die and don't drink the water, there's anthrax in my sandwich - and bam, there goes your REM sleep,' Lily finished, clapping her hands together violently to demonstrate the 'bam' with which her REM sleep had disappeared.

'Or Glenda Chittock's on, and she's so funny, and you think, "What a wonderful world we live in, that there's a Glenda Chittock to go to sleep to",' James said, just a little more positive than his wife.

'Glenda Chittock's never on Martin Cooper, and when she is on she's talking about Grindelwald, and then you go to sleep and you dream about Grindelwald except he looks like Celestina Warbeck, and you're creeped out for days,' Lily countered with her pessimistic viewpoint.

'Are you…_sure_ you're alright?' James asked worriedly.

'Oh yeah…I'm probably just feeling a bit iffy 'cause of the baby,' Lily waved a hand airily before clapping it to her mouth.

James stared at her, mouth on the ground. 'B- b- _baby_?'

_________

'You told him?' Alice demanded for the fourth time that evening.

Lily nodded miserably. 'I'm an idiot. And you know, as my mouth was opening my mind was screaming, 'Don't do it, I mean it, you'll regret it.' But did my mouth listen?'

'No,' Alice answered, knowing her friend well enough to know that.

'No. And it opened and the words came out, and James was…you know, _James_, and my mouth was stunned. And my mind said 'I told you so.' And then my mouth got mad because no mouth likes to have its nose rubbed in it. And now my mind and my mouth aren't talking, and it'll be weeks before we can get the boys together again.' Lily took a huge gulp from her hot chocolate and promptly choked on it.

'Your mouth has a nose?' Alice said blankly, not having understood the majority of what Lily had just said.

Lily rolled her eyes in annoyance. 'It was just an expression Alice.'

'Merlin, I see what he means about you being overly sensitive today…' Alice muttered, earning a pillow to her face for her comment.

'I am _not _overly sensitive,' Lily bristled.

'You just proved it there,' Alice pointed out, grinning.

'…oh be quiet,' Lily said, realising defeat. 'So, how is Frank? Have you told _him_ yet?'

'I'm sure he'll be delighted, he's always wanted a baby,' Alice said brusquely.

'You haven't told him?' Lily guessed.

Alice shook her head. 'Well it's pretty hard to just come out and say 'hi dear, I'm pregnant', you know?'

'You- you're- pr- pr- pregnant?' a stunned voice stuttered from the door. The two women spun around to see Frank Longbottom standing there with much the same expression on his face as James had wore just a little while ago - and probably still did.

'Yes love, 'fraid so,' Alice nodded, smiling slightly at his expression.

'Well that's- that's- that's great Alice!' he said weakly.

_AN: written for the Gilmore Girls Challenge, I know it's not that great but I really struggled to get the quote about the mouth and nose in! Obviously Frank and James are just a bit surprised, but not like in a bad way or anything! Hope you liked it , please leave a review :)_


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